Being Caught in the the Middle of Being Positive and Losing Your Shit

Hi all quarantines, 

I thought I would make something positive out of this whole down time for the whole world and finally do something that I have been wanting and needing to do for a long time, update this blog! So here I am and thanks for reading. I have been interested in personal growth for about four years now. Where I have read all kinds of books from psychological ones about relationships, how women are wired differently than men, reading people’s body languages, communicating, mingling, growing your confidence, and many more. Honestly, you name it I have probably tipped my toes into the topic. I became so interested in it that not only did I find it amazing, I also turned it into my own personal to do list where I would evaluate each detail in the book and try to apply it to my life where eventually every single step I made I was analyzing each and every move to do so. It became a bit obsessive so I took a step back.

So, let’s fast forward a bit. It is the end of December and I am standing in the Amazon book store a little overwhelmed and not sure if I actually need a book, but somehow, I dragged myself in there so I was determined to find something to read over school break. This book caught my eyes not because the title is totally cliché but also the author made the cover bright yellow so according to my books in the past this naturally makes your mind pay attention to it. So, I picked up this book, it’s called “How to be a Badass” btw, and I read this whole book front cover to back cover, (which I never do.) To say the least, it really changed my whole perspective on life, positivity, happiness, your own inner beliefs, and much more. Finally, after reading dozens of self-help books finally I had actually found one that was going to make an actual difference in my life. I highly recommend it and I actually was able to change my mindset and actually get that drive in life I have been lacking my whole life. I was always motivated, but I wanted that motivation that makes you feel how you feel at the club when you have drank way to many tequila shots and they have not exactly fully kicked in yet so you are just jumping around like a jelly bean. I wanted that feeling in my life daily as my drive to do amazing things (without the dreaded hangover that comes the next morning.) So, this drive had been developed and was sitting inside of me making me imagine myself do crazy amazing goals I could have never imagined doing.

Then there I was in Paris for my fifth couture season doing and opening shows that I had only dreamed of. It was on a real high, one that was so amazing I would be walking to the subway and just break into a massive grin. That is when you know you are on the right path when just the thought of life and what you are doing excites you just even thinking about it. Being positive and happy is so easy to do when everything is going right. I knew and felt that I was in the right mindset. However, how long can everything actually go perfect in life? We are human, our lives are always changing, and realistically life has its ups and downs and we learn through them in life and grow in result from them as well.

As I proceeded into my first full circuit of fashion week (besides London), life started to test me. As fashion week is a whirlwind, it’s crazy, exciting, and filled with adrenaline. I knew going into fashion week that no matter what happens I would be happy and grateful for all the amazing opportunities, friendships I made, and the ability to even be traveling all around Europe and showcasing different brands’ designs to the world. In the end I had a great season and I had an amazing time, but I had this one dream show that I REALLY wanted. I had pictured myself doing this show in my head so many times (it sounds super yogi crazy but it really does work), I had saved this to my Pinterest board months prior, added it to my vision board, and fully told everyone this was my dream show. As it did not confirm in the end, I had this moment where I had this troubling thought of where do you find positivity even when it seems that life is going against you. I know it is just a show, but in the broad perspective of life it made me also wonder how do we find positivity in our lives and stay up beat even when we feel like crashing down. I am sure everyone can relate right now as we all had goals and plans for this year and with the virus everything seems to have come to a halt. So, I really have been reflecting on this and trying to get back into that positivity happy mindset at all times of my life. It has made me realize that finding positivity in life cannot just be a result of everything going great, because we need to be positive in our lives the most when everything is going down.

We need to be able to lift ourselves up in order to grow from each downfall and rise higher than even before. So, the whole moral of this post is that I feel in life that things happen for a reason. That downfalls happen so we have to rethink our priorities, where we evaluate what means the most to us, and we realize what we really want and aspire in life. It is normal to be down, it is normal have a moment to cry and lose your shit IT IS HEALTHY. However, do not let your own self-pity get the best of you, find people who bring you up, make you happy, and most importantly find that happiness in yourself because at the end of the day you have to rely the most on yourself. You cannot and I repeat CANNOT expect to find happiness and positivity in others, if you do not find it in yourself. You will find yourself drowned in depression and self-pity, disappointed by the world around you. It is just like the saying to find love you must love yourself; to be happy you must love yourself just as equally.

So, as I look back and I see what the little breaking point of that show not confirming brought out of me, it showed me that we will never get everything that we want in life. Also, not everything comes easy and we must fight for what we want in life. Even if that one goal you have been reaching for months or even years has not been achieved, it does not mean it is too late. I feel sometimes the universe tests our commitment to actually being spiritual and positive. It throws us curve balls to see if we can ultimately catch them or get knocked over in the face by them. Nothing good in life comes easy. Most importantly we must never give up. So, all in all, back to my title when you are in the middle of being positive and losing your shit, just stop and reflect in the moment. Lose your shit for a moment, but do not dwell. Then relook at the situation and see how this moment was put here to reevaluate yourself, your goals, your priorities, and how you can come out of this stronger and swinging your fists faster and harder than ever before. 

xoxo

BB Jean